Slurred Speech

I don’t know a thing about you, but if you are anything like me,
if you are either considering having Breast Surgery, or have
taken the huge step (Congratulations!) and have your operation
booked, one of the biggest fears you may well be having is
whether or not you will lose sensation in your breasts or
nipples.

This is a big, and extremely natural and reasonable fear. It’s
one thing to look like a sex bomb with your new breasts (and you
will!), but what if they are no longer able to give YOU pleasure
sexually (and therefore subsequentially your partner too)?

There’s no getting away from it, breasts are a big sexual
attraction for most males, and have been since Man has walked
the Earth! Therefore, they are also central to how we feel about
ourselves as a Woman, both to attract the opposite sex, but also
how good we look and feel.

However, there is an awful lot of good news for you, which I can
personally verify. Since I had my breast augmentation 4 months
ago, I have lost no sensation in either my breasts or nipples,
and would even go so far as to say that the sensation has
increased - for the better!

Any surgery on the breast can result in the breast and/or nipple
being over or under sensitive on one or both sides. This change
can vary in degree and may be temporary or permanent.

Thankfully, nipple sensation can take up to one year to return
to normal, but it usually does, in most cases. During the
healing procress, you may feel numb, or overly sensitive, or
both. This usually resolves with time, and is not a problem.
It’s just more aggravating than anything else.

It is very important to remember that it can take up to 1 year,
possibly 2, for full sensation to return after breast
augmentation surgery. Most women, however, seem to get most of
their feeling back sooner than that.

Personally, I can vouch for it being much sooner, around 2
months before sexual pleasure returned, and at 4 months it has
returned more than fully - with a bonus! Not only is sensation
more enhanced, but I have always suffered from inverted nipples
- not any more!!

However, there is one important consideration before going ahead
with breast surgery regarding the location of the incision.
There are various incision sites, the breast crease underneath
the breast being the most popular. Second in popularity is the
periareolar incision (made in the areola). The incision is
usually a small semi-circle. The scar is camouflaged by the
nipple. However, if there are any imperfections in the scar, it
will be highly visible. This type of incision has an increased
risk for diminished nipple sensation.

So although loss of sensation is a risk, it is only a very small
risk, for which the benefits may well be worth the risk as far
as you are concerned.

So now you know this, and your mind is put at ease, what are you
waiting for? Enjoy the benefits - you will!!

What are you doing this Saturday night? If you want to meet a
man, you have to leave the house. You must get out among the
living. Prince Charming is not going to climb through your
window to watch SNL with you.

Grab a friend and head to your nearest coffee house. Most
feature live music on weekends. Hang out. If you don’t have a
friend, go anyway. Order a cup of coffee in a to-go cup and then
stick around.

If there’s a seat at an empty table, take it. As the place fills
up, somebody will probably ask you if they can drag off the
other chair. Smile and say, “Sure.” If anyone asks what you’re
doing out alone, just say you popped in for a quick cup of
coffee but the music was so captivating you decided to stay.
Look approachable.

Pull your shoulders back. Relax your jaw. Keep your eyes on the
band. The great thing about getting out by yourself is that men
are more likely to be comfortable talking to you. Face it;
they’re human, too, and the idea of walking up to a woman
surrounded by a pack of friends is intimidating.

If you find the idea of hanging out by yourself utterly
appalling, take the pressure off by heading to your nearest
bookstore café. Nothing weird about going to a bookstore on your
own, is there? Dress attractively, and you’ll look cute and
smart. Besides, that book in your hand just may prompt a
fetching guy to start a conversation.

Sure, it is a bit scary to put yourself in new and uncomfortable
situations, but getting out of the house is the ticket to
meeting new men and getting dates.

Meeting new men is the ticket to meeting (and getting married
to) a man who will make you happy for the rest of your life.

Hey there, Dorothy — are you a Good Witch or a Bad Witch? Is
your friend acting like a bitch? Answer these five questions
from Samantha’s Twisted Book of Shadows and find out which witch
is which? 1. These days I ride: a) side-saddle b) a broom c) a
vibrator d) a vacuum cleaner e) the bus home alone 2. My
familiar is: a) a dog named Toto b) a flying monkey I conjured
up the other day in my cauldron c) Sailor Moon d) several black
cats e) a gay friend 3. My idea of a good time is: a) baking
cupcakes for the poor b) stealing food and reselling it outside
the food bank c) dressing up like Vampira and going to fetish
night d) doing impressions of Margaret Hamilton to amuse my
friends e) being alone so nobody hurts my feelings.

4. My favorite television witch is: a) Martha Stewart b) Endora
from Bewitched c) Sabrina the Teenage Witch d) Heather Locklear
e) Kathie Lee Gifford. 5. My favorite witch movie is: a)
Practical Magic b) The Craft c) Rosemary’s Baby d) Mommie
Dearest e) The Wizard of Oz.

Now analyze your answers below to find out what kind of witch
you are!! A) GLINDA THE GOOD WITCH If your answers were all “a”,
you are a modern Glinda the Good Witch. You visualize all your
troubles surrounded in a bubble and floating away from you, and
it works. Congratulations. 1. You’re probably a real tree-hugger
and into horses and nature and all that. 2. You’re just like
Dorothy, who, if you’ll recall, was Glinda the Good Witch’s
protégée in The Wizard of Oz. 3. You know that all the goodness
that you do comes back to you three by three by three. 4. You
love the way Martha Stewart says, “It’s a good thing” at the end
of every segment. 5. You love the idea of a bunch of modern
witches mixing up potions from their kitchen cupboards, wearing
headscarves and dancing to music by Stevie Nicks. B) A WICKED
WITCH If your answers were all “b”, you are just plain eeevil.
1. If you get on a broom and your feet actually lift off the
ground, that is truly creepy. 2. A monkey with wings is a dead
giveaway. 3. To steal from the poor is pretty unspeakably evil.
4. Endora’s a wicked old crone just like you — only a little
prettier. 5. You kind of like that Fairuza kid… you wish you
had a daughter just like her. C) YOU’RE A WITCH WANNABE If your
answers are all “c”, you’re just a wannabe. You’ve bought one of
those do-it-yourself witchcraft books at the local new-age
store, and even though you’ve been following the recipes, havoc
is still being wreaked in your life. Do you think that if a
spell actually worked, a real witch would really give her
secrets of success away in a book that could be had for 10
bucks? Think about it. 1. If all those love spells you do
actually worked, you wouldn’t need to be using a vibrator. 2.
Dressing like Sailor Moon won’t give you supernatural powers. 3.
Dressing in a way that appeals to men empowers men, not you…
think again. 4. Statistics in The Toronto Sun recently cited
that witchcraft is the No. 1 interest of teenage girls, so if
you’re a wannabe, chances are that this is your favorite show.
5. So far you’ve been practicing witchcraft all by yourself.
Wouldn’t it be nice to belong to a real coven like Rosemary’s
friends? D) SURPRISE… YOU’RE NOT A WITCH BUT A GAY MAN! If
your answers are all “d”, you’re gay! I know it’s confusing, but
it’s true. Gay males love a good wicked female archetype more
than life itself. 1. You like to clean; that means you’re gay!
2. Cats are considered to be “gay children”. 3. You also like to
do the occasional impression of Joan Crawford. 4. She’s a
Goddess in the Office! You wanna be Evil Scheming Manipulative
Heather Locklear! 5. You love the scene where Joan beats little
Christina with the hanger. E) YOU’RE A WITCH’S VICTIM If your
answers are all “e”, the only kind of spell you know is a
fainting spell. You’re more the kind of person prone to be the
victim of witches because you refuse to acknowledge that magic
exists. You wouldn’t know what an athame was if you were lying
on a slab and it was plunged into your heart (not that there’s
anything wrong with that). 1. Witches have cast spells so they
get all the men and all the rides home. 2. All the straight
males have been bewitched by real witches, so you’re stuck with
this gay friend. 3. You are the victim of the many psychic
attacks practiced by amateur witchlets out there. 4. You don’t
really like Kathie Lee Gifford but for some reason every time
she’s on the TV you just can’t stop watching her… it’s like
you’re under her spell or something. 6. The Wizard of Oz is the
only movie you’ve seen with a real witch in it. * Editorial
Note: This is our beloved Samantha exercising her funny bone;
athames are never meant to touch blood and are not used in any
form of sacrifice. No Victims were harmed or sacrificed in the
writing of this article. J (David)